How was first chemo?

That was a question I was asked, oh, more than a few times today.

Also, how are you staying so positive through this?  👀 ❔

Well, inquiring minds want to know, and I'm here to deliver the 411. But first a little background...

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I feel truly fortunate to have survived Covid-19. Anyone that had it, and then had it again like I did, and then maybe even again, can not and should not take this lightly. The first strain that came through was particularly rough.

To date, an astonishing 6,867,685 people have died worldwide.

Think about that. Don't take it for granted that you are still here. You have work to get done, people to make an impact on, and your script isn't hardly written yet.

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So, you couple Covid with the quadruple bypass heart surgery I had in 2011 and now you get to know a little more about my backstory. I suppose that maybe I gloss over the two stents and the IVF filter I had put in prior and the (fortunately) single heart attack I suffered in 2000. Life really kicks your ass sometimes. 

I will also not digress with the tragic details of my dad, crippled by MS for the better part of his and my life, and then fatally hit by a truck while out in his wheelchair on my birthday in 1999. That one, -sadly- dear reader, is a story for another time.

Hey I'm trying to be positive over here.

And I do apologize. My esteemed editor Moses' first comment was 'Jesus, man' in regard to the tone of this first section. I don't want to put off Moses (or Jesus!) or anyone. But I feel like it's important to tell the whole story even though I know a lot of this is sad....Like this next part. I know this is going to make my sister sad.

My sister's husband, who was truly a remarkable man and a friend to so many, chose not to tell the people around him about his critical illness in an effort to spare their pain.

I will never forget when friends and family gathered prior to his funeral to remember Jimmy, who I loved dearly, and how regretful many people felt that they didn't have the chance to tell him what a great man he was. Here was a man of self-sacrifice, of high integrity, a military veteran, a loyal and devoted father and husband and a pretty awesome brother-in-law.

While I aspire to be that kind of man, I never got on board with his Eagles. And I also wished he knew how much I cared for him as did so many of his friends and admirers. He was positive to the very end, but ultimately felt like it was better for people not to know.

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So probably that's why I want to tell you about first chemo. I told you I'd get back to it; unfortunately no one is still reading at this point. TS:DR too sad:didn't read.

I am who I am, which is why I will still wear my white Giants Starter jacket in Eagles territory. (My niece Mia remains relatively certain that this outerwear is one day going to get me shivved at some local Philadelphia restaurant.)

sorry not sorry Birds fans

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First chemo started at 8:15 this morning and I got out of there around 12:30. In most cases as in mine, the doctors and staff had done an excellent job preparing me for what was coming.

Even then as you can guess I was still pretty worried and 3 hours of sleep didn't help the deal. I thought I was being smart and made the mistake of testing out sleeping on my back last night in preparation for wearing the device that was required for 46 hours after chemo to complete the delivery of the medication. Quickly note that this particular medicine is called 5-FU which I feel like is the most encouraging and appropriate name the pharmaceuticals could come up with.

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Chemo is a fairly amazing and precise process, and the two caring RN's that led me through it were Diane, who I adore, and Susan who has the light Touch Of An Angel.

All in all they administer an incredible five or six infusions, including two separate anti-nausea drugs, one of which is the quote less powerful. If that weren't enough they also prescribe you with a take-home nausea medication which it's handy to pick up the day before.

I'm with you. Nothing sucks as much sometimes as being nauseous, so you feel good that they take this precaution seriously. As I write this 10 hours out, so far so good.

The stranger side effect, which the ladies laughingly note that every man must test the boundaries of, is a severely heightened sense of cold, particularly in your mouth, and they recommend that everything beverage-wise is henceforth enjoyed at room temperature.

If you know me, I'm a man who likes my ice. I once stopped eating at my favorite Mexican place because the waiter served me an iced tea without ice after 15 minutes of waiting and then belligerently claimed I had ordered it that way. No senor, you clearly have the wrong customer and the wrong table.

sadly I don't eat here anymore

I'm a man who also likes my soup. So it seemed like the way to go after chemo was a slice and a bowl of Italian Wedding soup. (For those of you outside the area, this is also commonly called escarole soup, it's pretty badass with these little noodles and mini meatballs and a tasty broth).

Unfortunately I didn't finish either the soup or the slice. Largely attributable to the 1st cup of Mountain Dew with ice that I eagerly dove into -- to my immediate detriment. Zero of 10 would not recommend.

Note to self:: Do the dew going forward at room temperature -you should be okay- that being said I know many people find Mountain Dew pretty detestable at any temperature.

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So the three major drugs come after the nausea drugs, your so-called 'cocktail', and they're pretty hardcore. The fourth one in sequence causes the temperature sensitivity and neuropathy. Sorry, I had to look it up too, but fortunately have not experienced it. The longer you take this particular drug the more acute it becomes apparently and I'm going to take their word for it based on my 'icy' experience.

The last drug is the aforementioned FU which you take home with you as it delivers itself over the next 46 hours. The one negative for me is this precludes a shower until they take the needle out. Everyone's encouraging me to come to work, but for this how will I smell? first cycle I'm going to sit on the sidelines and see what happens.

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My incredible Aunt, the once and future queen of loving emojis who I've referenced before, immediately sent me a $200 Grubhub gift certificate. I'm quite sure this is going to come in super handy provided I can feel my hands (neuropathy reference) I told you to look it up.

The compassion and love I'm feeling right now is beyond anything I have ever experienced. My friends and family have been so supportive in ways I could not even imagine. You don't feel worthy because you know you couldn't be this great if they were facing a similar situation. In a later post I really want to share some of the incredible things my friends have said but I still want to get their approval before I post anything personal that someone wrote to me.

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All in all a pretty OK day. It probably didn't hurt that the Texas infielder I picked up for my fantasy baseball team went three-for-four with a homer.

So I know everyone has a lot of questions and I hope this answered some of them. Feel free to jump in if there's anything you want to know.

I'd like to be here for you
as much as you've been here for me.

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And so friend I say to you:

I am not sad

I am not lost
I am not down

I am filled with joy
I have a purpose
I am lifted up by the love of my friends

my current location below

a bout me

For my sister...I'll always miss you too.