Nice to see you again. Thanks for coming back.
My 92-year-old Great Aunt Esther sent me a greeting card meticulously filled out on all three sides with impeccable handwriting and nary a single mistake or cross out. She began it saying this is the hardest letter I've ever had to write.
Now I ask you, how do you respond to something like that? Think about the weight of someone who's been around since 1931 telling you that writing about you having cancer is the hardest thing they've ever had to do. I still don't know how to respond. You honestly do not feel worthy of this level of kindness and compassion.
A former colleague told me this week that he's where he is because of me. How do you respond to that? How is anyone worthy of that kind of praise?
😷😷😷
So third chemo kicked my ass. Not even going to lie.
Kicked. My. Ass.
Totally not complaining, just want anyone going through it or about to go through it to be prepared.
And I promise you I'm not a soapbox guy, but since there happens to be one here:
this would be an appropriate time to tell you to go get a colonoscopy if you've been putting it off. I was fearing the colonoscopy; the colonoscopy is nothing. You are worrying about something that can only benefit you so go now make an appointment now do it now.
(Dismounts from soapbox)
⚠🌁😢
There was a lot of negativity in the air this week already, and most of it was coming from Canada. If you're in any of the major cities on the East Coast, you experienced a blanket of hazy filth that covered the sky for two days (reminding me only of when I lived in Los Angeles from '92 to '99).
It felt like more people than normal were kinda down, including one of my closest friends, my best friend's ex-wife.
Coupled with feeling like crap physically as I was, it was a special struggle to stay positive this week.
Here's how I did it.
It's because of you.
Not even going to lie.
The things people have said to me over the last few months have been overwhelming, joyous, thoughtful, sarcastic, funny, sad, tragic, awesome, heartfelt, inspiring, motivational, that's a lot of freaking commas. And it doesn't even begin to capture the incredible warmth and humanity that can only be given to you by the people that care about you and who you care about.
I'd really like to share some of the amazing things people have said to me recently.
From my Aunt Shell on Long Island, who has literally checked in on me every single day with a positive message:
May you also be blessed with an Aunt Shell.
From a longtime Philly friend:
From my boy in New Jersey, we've been through good times and bad:
From my college roommate's wife and my college roommate; I've come to love her as much as him it's funny how the world works:
From my arch nemesis in Seattle just kidding I love you man;
From my editor in Texas (yes, Moses, that Moses) when I first broke the news :
From a dear friend and colleague who got a new job and is leaving my company and I'm happy for her and sad all at the same time because I'm afraid I won't see her much:
From two different friends who I went out on the wrong foot with, don't talk with anymore, and still miss:
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From the greatest sister in the world, who supports me unequivocally, who's been there for everything, who worries when I tell her I'm at the library at 3:00 in the afternoon:
And from my 84 year old friend (now that I'm likely to pre-decease him, the dynamics of our whole relationship have changed):
This is from a guy that mostly worries about stuff like the deficit and the situation in Ukraine and pretty likely even the price of tea in China:
😷😷😷
You should know that I definitely continue to piss off the people in the Neuropathy Department, as I scornfully dismissed this very real affliction and they continue to send me nasty reminders in the form of no feeling in my fingers, or shooting pins and needles, and sometimes both. Live and learn my friend; Do Not criticize the neuropathy.
I didn't used to be positive. My best friend's ex-wife tried to set me up with her cousin once who's a life coach. We talked a couple times, and then she decided not to go out with me because I was too negative. Too negative for a life coach, isn't that when you need a life coach? Or a girlfriend?
😄😄😄
So it's also really cool when the people around you are comfortable enough to joke about cancer with you. Ive found that most people respectfully ask me beforehand if it's okay to joke about it, and if you know me I'm all about that but thanks for asking.
When the air quality alert first hit on Wednesday, they were recommending that people wear masks outside and close their windows. I said to my coworker, oh my God I didn't realize that, I left my window open all night and it's open right now.
She said yeah, I probably wouldn't worry about it.
When my two nieces got into my dealer demo this week, the youngest said Ada (that's what they call me, it's like a version of Dada but for an uncle I guess) it smells like cigarette smoke in here. And I said yeah I get it Lilly but you know I don't smoke cigarettes.
My older niece the comedian pops in and says actually Ada, this is probably a great time for you to take up smoking.
Coincidentally someone's converting a former 7-Eleven near their house into a vape shop called Smokers Destiny, so we had a good laugh about this being my smoker's destiny. If you're not from around here 7-Eleven has no shot, have you been to Wawa?
💪💓🙏
I am not down
I have a purpose
I am lifted up by the love of my friends
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