You Gotta Make Adjustments...

So I was thinking of a way to compare the experience of first chemo against my encounter with second chemo.


If you're a baseball fan this analogy is likely familiar to you. The American League Rookie of the Year for 2022 was Seattle's Julio Rodriguez. He is a gifted centerfielder, has the so-called 'five tools', and is a matinee idol on the screen.

J-Rod

Last year he was everyone's darling and captured the Pacific Northwest with his fine play and magnetic persona. In his maiden campaign he had a sterling .853 OPS, which is a fancy statistic combining his on base and slugging percentages. 

Now obviously if you're a top Major League Baseball Prospect when you first come up to the 'Show', you can typically 'mash' a fastball. 

Then comes the hard part. 

The league learns something about you. Suddenly all you start seeing are breaking pitches and so-called 'filthy' sliders. They made a movie about this starring Justin Timberlake and Amy Adams called 'Trouble with the Curve'. Now Julio Rodriguez has an OPS under .700 as we near Memorial Day, and everyone is wondering what happened to the amazing player they saw last year.

Two folks on everyone's 'Hall Pass' list

That was my experience in the first two chemo sessions. Boy that first week I was Rookie of the Year I was mashing the fastball and I was on top of the world. Even in the off week, I really only had one bad day, and as noted in my first post some initial sensitivity to ice.

Then I went back for my second session two Tuesdays later, and they started feeding me the breaking ball.

Suddenly I was swinging at everything. I was woefully behind on the fastball and missing wildly. I'm talking about randomly vomiting, no feeling except tingling in your fingers, and an inability to drink a beverage containing any ice whatsoever without the sensation of swallowing razor blades. 

And as Julio Rodriguez and I are rapidly learning -- you gotta make adjustments.

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I'm no drinker, but I wouldn't be considered a lightweight either. That would be until last Sunday when I drank one single beer, and then explosively vomited 10 minutes after I left the establishment with my friends.

This morning, I took the nausea pill which they prescribe you that has been highly effective the two previous times I used it. Today I puked in the sink less than 3 minutes after taking the pill, so in this case I question its efficacy. Random vomit with no immediate onset of nausea -- something you got to make adjustments to.

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I'm not going to use this time or platform to advocate Medical Marijuana at the moment, perhaps we'll save that discussion for a future blog. I did get a greeting card this week from my 92-year-old great aunt expressing her concern and genuine caring, but she related marijuana use to hardcore drug addiction and I don't want to further upset my Aunt Esther.

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If you happened to read my previous entry, you may remember that I was quite casual when discussing neuropathy and perhaps may have even joked once or twice about this 'friendly' affliction. Clearly I pissed off someone in the Neuropathy Department, and would now be glad to tell you that this is no laughing matter.

Tingling in your fingers is a real thing, people. It's not painful but it is disconcerting. Of course I've not had the pleasure of having it in my toes -yet- but perhaps that too is something I will be able to elaborate on in the future.

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So I really want to keep everyone posted; but the last thing I ever want to be is a Debbie Downer. Please view this material as purely educational, and I want to stress to all my friends and everyone out there who may be experiencing this that you will get through even the worst of times.

Love the sound when she appears

But -- You gotta make adjustments.

Take advantage of every and any moment when you are feeling well. It's really important to live in the moment as much as you can, and have an equal appreciation for those times when you are feeling good. Do the things you like to do.

I am no longer in any kind of acquisition mode. I went through a period about a year ago when I was buying things on eBay and Amazon and getting a kick out of it.

Now all I'm really about are the experiences.

I had a chance to go to a ball game and sit in the Diamond Club with my 84-year-old friend on one of the finest afternoons God has ever delivered to the world. 

Mr Mo

I saw my niece, freshly home from her first year at college, and got to have a trendy dinner with her and my sister at a super cool place in Conshohocken (which if you're not from the area is a neat place to hang about 30 minutes outside of Philly).

Muy Bueno

My buddy drove up from DC and we met down in Delaware just on a whim. My best friend from college and his wife drove down from Princeton and we met up in Feasterville just on a whim and laughed and laughed.

A friend I love dearly in North Carolina got a shirt made up that said 'Banner Strong'. That's my last name by the way.

Love you too brother

These things mean more to me than anything I could ever own or wish to.

Every day you see the worst in other people, but now every day I also see the best in people and it in turn inspires me.

I know now that chemo is not going to be an easy road but I'm learning to hit the breaking ball.

You gotta make adjustments...

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And so friend I say to you:

I am not sad

I am not lost
I am not down

I am filled with joy
I have a purpose
I am lifted up by the love of my friends

my current location below

For my sister...I'll always miss you too.

How was first chemo?

That was a question I was asked, oh, more than a few times today.

Also, how are you staying so positive through this?  👀 ❔

Well, inquiring minds want to know, and I'm here to deliver the 411. But first a little background...

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I feel truly fortunate to have survived Covid-19. Anyone that had it, and then had it again like I did, and then maybe even again, can not and should not take this lightly. The first strain that came through was particularly rough.

To date, an astonishing 6,867,685 people have died worldwide.

Think about that. Don't take it for granted that you are still here. You have work to get done, people to make an impact on, and your script isn't hardly written yet.

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So, you couple Covid with the quadruple bypass heart surgery I had in 2011 and now you get to know a little more about my backstory. I suppose that maybe I gloss over the two stents and the IVF filter I had put in prior and the (fortunately) single heart attack I suffered in 2000. Life really kicks your ass sometimes. 

I will also not digress with the tragic details of my dad, crippled by MS for the better part of his and my life, and then fatally hit by a truck while out in his wheelchair on my birthday in 1999. That one, -sadly- dear reader, is a story for another time.

Hey I'm trying to be positive over here.

And I do apologize. My esteemed editor Moses' first comment was 'Jesus, man' in regard to the tone of this first section. I don't want to put off Moses (or Jesus!) or anyone. But I feel like it's important to tell the whole story even though I know a lot of this is sad....Like this next part. I know this is going to make my sister sad.

My sister's husband, who was truly a remarkable man and a friend to so many, chose not to tell the people around him about his critical illness in an effort to spare their pain.

I will never forget when friends and family gathered prior to his funeral to remember Jimmy, who I loved dearly, and how regretful many people felt that they didn't have the chance to tell him what a great man he was. Here was a man of self-sacrifice, of high integrity, a military veteran, a loyal and devoted father and husband and a pretty awesome brother-in-law.

While I aspire to be that kind of man, I never got on board with his Eagles. And I also wished he knew how much I cared for him as did so many of his friends and admirers. He was positive to the very end, but ultimately felt like it was better for people not to know.

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So probably that's why I want to tell you about first chemo. I told you I'd get back to it; unfortunately no one is still reading at this point. TS:DR too sad:didn't read.

I am who I am, which is why I will still wear my white Giants Starter jacket in Eagles territory. (My niece Mia remains relatively certain that this outerwear is one day going to get me shivved at some local Philadelphia restaurant.)

sorry not sorry Birds fans

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First chemo started at 8:15 this morning and I got out of there around 12:30. In most cases as in mine, the doctors and staff had done an excellent job preparing me for what was coming.

Even then as you can guess I was still pretty worried and 3 hours of sleep didn't help the deal. I thought I was being smart and made the mistake of testing out sleeping on my back last night in preparation for wearing the device that was required for 46 hours after chemo to complete the delivery of the medication. Quickly note that this particular medicine is called 5-FU which I feel like is the most encouraging and appropriate name the pharmaceuticals could come up with.

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Chemo is a fairly amazing and precise process, and the two caring RN's that led me through it were Diane, who I adore, and Susan who has the light Touch Of An Angel.

All in all they administer an incredible five or six infusions, including two separate anti-nausea drugs, one of which is the quote less powerful. If that weren't enough they also prescribe you with a take-home nausea medication which it's handy to pick up the day before.

I'm with you. Nothing sucks as much sometimes as being nauseous, so you feel good that they take this precaution seriously. As I write this 10 hours out, so far so good.

The stranger side effect, which the ladies laughingly note that every man must test the boundaries of, is a severely heightened sense of cold, particularly in your mouth, and they recommend that everything beverage-wise is henceforth enjoyed at room temperature.

If you know me, I'm a man who likes my ice. I once stopped eating at my favorite Mexican place because the waiter served me an iced tea without ice after 15 minutes of waiting and then belligerently claimed I had ordered it that way. No senor, you clearly have the wrong customer and the wrong table.

sadly I don't eat here anymore

I'm a man who also likes my soup. So it seemed like the way to go after chemo was a slice and a bowl of Italian Wedding soup. (For those of you outside the area, this is also commonly called escarole soup, it's pretty badass with these little noodles and mini meatballs and a tasty broth).

Unfortunately I didn't finish either the soup or the slice. Largely attributable to the 1st cup of Mountain Dew with ice that I eagerly dove into -- to my immediate detriment. Zero of 10 would not recommend.

Note to self:: Do the dew going forward at room temperature -you should be okay- that being said I know many people find Mountain Dew pretty detestable at any temperature.

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So the three major drugs come after the nausea drugs, your so-called 'cocktail', and they're pretty hardcore. The fourth one in sequence causes the temperature sensitivity and neuropathy. Sorry, I had to look it up too, but fortunately have not experienced it. The longer you take this particular drug the more acute it becomes apparently and I'm going to take their word for it based on my 'icy' experience.

The last drug is the aforementioned FU which you take home with you as it delivers itself over the next 46 hours. The one negative for me is this precludes a shower until they take the needle out. Everyone's encouraging me to come to work, but for this how will I smell? first cycle I'm going to sit on the sidelines and see what happens.

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My incredible Aunt, the once and future queen of loving emojis who I've referenced before, immediately sent me a $200 Grubhub gift certificate. I'm quite sure this is going to come in super handy provided I can feel my hands (neuropathy reference) I told you to look it up.

The compassion and love I'm feeling right now is beyond anything I have ever experienced. My friends and family have been so supportive in ways I could not even imagine. You don't feel worthy because you know you couldn't be this great if they were facing a similar situation. In a later post I really want to share some of the incredible things my friends have said but I still want to get their approval before I post anything personal that someone wrote to me.

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All in all a pretty OK day. It probably didn't hurt that the Texas infielder I picked up for my fantasy baseball team went three-for-four with a homer.

So I know everyone has a lot of questions and I hope this answered some of them. Feel free to jump in if there's anything you want to know.

I'd like to be here for you
as much as you've been here for me.

💪💓🙏

And so friend I say to you:

I am not sad

I am not lost
I am not down

I am filled with joy
I have a purpose
I am lifted up by the love of my friends

my current location below

a bout me

For my sister...I'll always miss you too.